The #1 Complication of Childbirth May Surprise You

Even after experiencing postpartum anxiety myself, I was shocked that Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMADs) are the #1 complication of childbirth. PMADs is an umbrella term used to refer to postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, pregnancy/postpartum OCD, PTSD, insomnia, postpartum psychosis, and postpartum bipolar.

Yeah, that’s probably pretty surprising, too, that the risk of suffering from at least one of a whole host of mental health conditions is much higher than the risk of any of the other terrible outcomes you’ve played out in your head.

What The Research Shows

Studies tell us that 1 in 5 women and 1 in 10 men (yep, it happens to dads, too!) will struggle with perinatal depression or anxiety.

By the way, the term perinatal refers to the entire pregnancy and the full year after childbirth. I wish we’d use this term more often because I find it more normalizing for clients than ‘postpartum’ in relaying the time period when these mental health concerns may arise.

The perinatal period is a long time, but I'd go as far as to say years 0-5 of a child’s life are the most mentally challenging for mothers (and why I decided one-and-done was the way to go for me).

Common Symptoms of Postpartum Depression and Anxiety

It’s important to know that the symptoms aren’t always clear cut. You may be feeling scattered, overwhelmed, tearful, disappointed, and a bunch of other emotions.

In my 20-something years of experience in the mental health field, nearly ten of which has been specializing in supporting mothers, I’ve come to see depression and anxiety as two sides of the same coin.

Not for everyone, of course, but for most of my clients, their anxiety looks like intrusive thoughts, imagining worst-case scenarios, and overthinking the tiniest detail (among a multitude of other worries), all of which (to no one’s surprise) can lead to symptoms of depression.

Depression often looks like low energy, crying, overwhelming feelings of sadness, hopelessness, very little interest in activities you used to find enjoyable, lack of motivation, difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much, lack of appetite, even feeling numb, all leading back to, you guessed it, symptoms of anxiety.

If you’ve ever felt depressed, then you understand exactly what I mean when I describe this cycle of anxiety —> depression —> anxiety and so on . . .

Let’s Talk About Intrusive Thoughts

Here’s a statistic for you: According to the Perinatal Anxiety Research Lab at the University of British Columbia, 100% of new moms report having unwanted intrusive thoughts about accidentally harming their baby. 100%! Do you know how often a scientific study proves something happens at a rate of 100%??? Almost never.

The same study reports 50% of new mothers report unwanted intrusive thoughts about harming their baby on purpose.

I want to make this very clear:

These are unwanted thoughts. That is, women do not intend to harm their babies, and they do not act on these thoughts.

Thoughts are not intent.

And they do not want to even be having these kinds of thoughts — hence the term intrusive.

These dark and vivid thoughts seem unlike anything that would typically cross your mind, and they’re very disturbing in nature. They’re a common symptom of postpartum OCD, but they can also occur as part of other PMADs, including during pregnancy.

Remember: Perinatal = pregnancy + the entire year after giving birth (possibly longer).

If I'd had this information, you can bet I would've spent way more time on my postpartum plan than my birth plan, and I'd like to think I would've been more open to asking for and accepting help.

If you’re thinking “NO KIDDING!” and you’d like some support with your adjustment to motherhood, start here to see if we’re a good fit. You are not alone.

My #1 Tool for Staying Sane While Parenting

If you've been paying attention to me for any length of time, you've probably heard me rave about the Waking Up app. Just last week, I mentioned its life-changing impact on me, but today, I want to dive a bit deeper into how much it can do for you.

I like to call Waking Up the thinking person's meditation app because it goes above and beyond any other meditation tool out there with content on a broad range of topics featuring many different perspectives. It's also totally secular, a plus for those of us who avoid magical thinking.

✅ conversations on trauma-sensitive mindfulness

✅ the neuroscience of meditation

✅ loving kindness (metta) meditations

✅ meditations for children

✅ walking meditations

✅ mindful CBT lessons

and sooooo much more.

But what does a meditation app have to do with preparing for parenthood?!?

Well, I truly think the practice of mindfulness is the most effective coping skill any future (or current) parent can learn. I only wish I’d had this info way back when I was prepping for baby. I have no time machine, but if I can save you from suffering more than necessary, then I’m definitely going to try!

Motherhood is full of stress, worry about the future, and doubt about how you handled something in the past.

A tool that helps you stay in the present is priceless.

All we really have is the current moment, yet hanging out here for longer than a few seconds is naturally very hard for our brains.

(Prediction is the reason we're all here, after all.)

That's why we use the word practice. Mindfulness and meditation are not skills you ever fully master.

As you practice, you get better at accepting the fact that you are a work-in-progress. (I honestly can't think of a healthier goal for parents who are constantly feeling like they aren't good enough!)

When I first started using Waking Up when it launched in 2018, it was nowhere near as robust as it is today. I went through the introductory course, then advanced to daily 10-minute guided meditations, and now I'm meditating for 15 minutes most evenings, working my way up to 20 minutes.

But one of my favorite guided experiences is Kelly Boys's series on deep rest. Her voice soothes even the most anxious mind (🙋‍♀️) into a state of relaxation. Some nights my brain has a hard time quieting the tangle of thoughts around all the tasks I didn't get around to and worries about how much college is going to cost when my son graduates high school, so I just press play and let Kelly's voice gently lead me to dreamland.

​Here's a free 30-day trial for you to take the app for a spin. This is NOT an affiliate link. I just love sharing helpful resources, and as a paying subscriber, I get to gift free months to anyone who may benefit.

Check it out and let me know what you think! Oh, and if you love it but can't afford it once your trial ends, all you need to do is email the team at Waking Up to request a free membership.

If you've been meaning to learn to meditate but don't know where to start, or you've tried meditating and been frustrated by it, Waking Up may be just the solution!

Mindfulness Tips For New Mothers

The joy of spring break is upon us in my household.

That was sarcasm.

Gotta be honest with you, I don't love my son's week off from school because having my routine disrupted is stressful. Sure, I could've taken the week off, too, but I work from home, so it was manageable to both see clients virtually and keep reminding my son to take a break from his screen (which sums up about 97.8% of parenting when your kid is 12).

Although I'm DEFINITELY not as anxious as I used to be, it's always emotionally draining to have to task switch between parenting and work multiple times a day.

Adapting to the mental load of motherhood was one of the biggest challenges for me in years 0 to 5. But I think if I'd had the opportunity to practice effective and realistic coping skills, I wouldn't have struggled quite so much.

And that, my friend, is why I do what I do -- to save you years of agony. Ok, maybe that's a tad dramatic, but I really am passionate about helping new moms detach from their (and our culture's) unrealistic expectations and find more peace.

When you start practicing these skills during pregnancy, you set yourself up for a calmer and healthier postpartum.

​Learning about mindful awareness has been the biggest game changer for me in my parenting, relationships, professional life, mental health, and honestly, existence in our very overstimulating and chaotic world.

(That isn't an affiliate link, by the way. I just want to share my love of this app with everyone I meet.)

If I'd known how to not react to every little feeling, fear, unexpected turn of events, and intrusive thought, my postpartum would have been so much easier. Not easy, easier. As I mentioned above, the emotional labor of momming is still really hard at times.

There were so many times when I could have reminded my sleep-deprived self that . . .

. . . you can do this one moment at a time.

. . . you can safely step away from your child for a second to take a few deep breaths.

. . . giving up breastfeeding isn't going to make your kid dumb.

. . . crying is part of baby's development and has NOTHING to do with your ability to mother.

I love that I can apply mindfulness to just about any stressor, and the more I practice it, the more I see how differently I show up for myself and how much more effectively I cope with situations that would've sent me into a panic years ago.

So, give mindfulness a try. Take the Waking Up app for a spin or google ‘mindfulness’ and do your own research.

Whatever you do, I encourage you to give some thought to how you’re coping with stress and consider what else you may need to add to your mental health toolkit before baby comes so you’re all set for the inevitable surprises and uncertainty.

Look out for next week’s blog post that dives deeper into the Waking Up app and why I love it so much.